I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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