god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
