Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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