very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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