He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
