Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
