if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
