Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
