You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she looked like the before picture.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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