Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
