Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
