Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
