we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
