i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
