A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
