im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
