what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
