i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
