So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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