I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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