The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
