I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
