I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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