K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
