I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
