haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize