I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
