He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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