Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have post one night stand depression
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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