You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize