how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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