yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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