Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
