Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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