That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
