physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
