Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
