She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
