I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
