I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
