now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just crazy horny about you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
