So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
