I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Randomize
