I'm going to jail i love you
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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