My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
