I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
