i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Need sex. Gaining weight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
