I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
