I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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