i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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