Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
