I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
