I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
