Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
