its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
