New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
