last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
