The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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