the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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